Quitting THC is the hardest thing I’ve done. And I have a Master’s degree in Computer Engineering. My coursework and research pale in comparison to the withdrawal symptoms I experience. In fact, I’ve gone through withdrawals so many times that I could write a book about it.
In recent months, insomnia has become the biggest and most debilitating symptom. In earlier years, it was nausea. It got to the point where all I could eat was applesauce, and I drank Gatorade to help with the electrolytes and ginger ale to soothe my stomach. It would sometimes wake me in the middle of the night; and there were times where I felt like I was dying. Now, I don’t experience nausea every time I quit, but I think that’s due to lower usage (time between each relapse keeps shortening, so I’m using less and quitting more).
But the insomnia, man. Sometimes I’ll be wide awake and can’t fall asleep until 2am; sometimes I fall asleep at 9pm but wake up wide awake at 2am. This in turn affects my emotions. I will be extremely depressed in the morning (to the point where I have to text 988), but eventually I even out. The problem is, I can’t even take naps now. I don’t know if it’s anxiety about not being able to sleep, genuine not-tiredness, or the B12 supplement I’ve been taking. I’ve been consistently napping nearly every day for at least 2 years. Now all of a sudden I’m not tired after lunch? I started taking my B12 supplement about 2 weeks ago because my bloodwork showed that it was low. The napping problem started this week. Let me give you some back story.
Last week I quit on Tuesday and only slept an hour that night, from 10-11pm. I watched Seinfeld in bed all night because my husband was out of town. I decided to take the rest of the week of work to recover and finally get through the withdrawal symptoms. But guess who relapsed after 2 days because the cravings were too strong? Now today marks day 3 after quitting on Sunday. I have slept extremely poorly since then. I still get at least 7 hours (thankfully), but I toss and turn so much and it’s such a light sleep that it’s not refreshing. I wake up anxious and shaky. And I’ve been waking up over an hour before my alarm, so I just sit there scrolling Reddit and Facebook. Usually when I sleep poorly I am able to take a half hour nap right after lunch, but this hasn’t been the case since Saturday.
I had a psychiatrist appointment this past Monday where I was up front about everything that’s going on. We think that it may be my anxiety about not being to sleep that keeps me up, not the lack of THC. Which makes sense, because like I said earlier, insomnia hasn’t always been a problem. She wanted to prescribe me Hydroxyzine to help calm me down at night but unfortunately it has negative interactions with the other meds I’m taking, so we need to find an alternative. I’ve already tried Trazadone, Melatonin, and Magnesium Glycinate, but it seems that I’m built like a truck. Nothing really helps me to feel tired at night (except THC, but I’m not going down that route again, because even that negatively impacts my sleep sometimes).
The only positive thing about this quit attempt is the lack of cravings. In the past, when I “seriously” quit, I didn’t have cravings; I just had the desire to push through and feel normal again. Other “fake” attempts at quitting always came with debilitating cravings, to the point where I got tunnel vision and all I could think about was using all day (and all my recovery books say cravings subside after 5-30 minutes!). This is exactly what happened last week. I was incredibly bored and had nothing to do because I took off of work which led to the perfect scenario to start using again. So in order to make myself feel better (I keep thinking I’m a failure for not quitting last week), I’ve been telling myself that I wasn’t serious about quitting until this week, and last week’s attempt was frivolous.
I’m not saying this is the quit attempt that sticks but I hope to God it does because I can’t take the withdrawal symptoms anymore. Here’s to the road of recovery!
Leave a Reply